Oh, you guys

 

I fail tonight. Dinner is a glass of white zinfandel. There might also be some ramen involved. Maybe Oriental flavor. It should be noted that while ramen is the perfect vehicle for transporting drops of scalding hot deathsaline (what saline would be if you boiled it down to 1/1000th of its original volume, thus concentrating it to lethal levels, the likes of which could be used to slay all manner of enemies including but not limited to rhinoceri, robbers, dwarves, trolls, werewolves and Bella Swan) directly onto your eyeball.  Eyeballs, not for lack of trying, cannot taste deathsaline in Oriental flavor or ANY other flavor, so the beauty of it is lost and frankly it feels sort of unfair that I always flick myself in the eye with this crap while it's on its way to my mouth, which is always full of regret, woe and hatred for me after tasting such a thing.  

Anyway. The reason I am ingesting such a wholesome meal is because I am flummoxed as to what I should do with this lone baby artichoke I got from the farmer's market. Should I have purchased two baby artichokes? Are two enough? Should I have purchased three (thus satisfying my neurotic need to have an odd number of *everything* so that there is always a "middle")? I don't know. I don't know how to cook a baby artichoke. I don't know how to cook a not-baby artichoke. I know that I totally cut my hand open on the damn thing, but that's about all I know. Nickolas made us some artichokes once and I ate the leaves or petals or armored plates or whatever it is that they're called, but the heart was toooooo much for me. Tongue overload. I was going to save this sad little fellow for him, but he's getting sadder already, so I am thinking maybe some sort of chicken-artichoke-peppadew pasta. Maybe. I am still reading. By the light of my awesome bulldog lamp that my friend Sean bought for me. He is so hideous and glorious. Sort of like this stupid artichoke I am trying to learn how to cook. Look at that lamp. He is amazing.

Anyway, I suck. Maybe I will make something delicious for lunch tomorrow, but I figured it would only be fair for me to advise you that sometimes I am kind of pathetic and tonight is one of those nights. Maybe even MORE pathetic because I have dulce de leche Haagen Dazs for dessert. It has dairy in it so it counts as food. So shush. Goodnight.